AarinOthers

I have only a couple of friends I can talk about it with, but then, I do have a few people on forums and such that I know I can talk to about it all. But still, I know that they can easily get irritated or confused by it, because most of them can't imagine what it feels like for me. They sort of understand that it's hellish with being confused, but not much more than that... So actually talking to someone else about it might prove useful. Well, I want to give it a try at least. If it sucks, then I'll just quit it and continue on my own..

morning: well before back in time I was just a guy over the net I always and I also found it much more easy to come out over the net. but yeah there also a lot who dont understand it.. and the fact they cant see you can also be something..
it can both me good and bad.. in my situation I guess it more easy since I am so clear about it and only feel like a guy.. I guess it more easy.. when you only feel desire for one way and know this.. if you get my point?

it more easy for people to indentify one sex than 2.. if you understand.. it more easy to say I feel like a girl, or a boy,, than say I feel like a girl and a boy?..
or I dont know if I am a girl or a boy

I think so.. just correct me if you dont agree.

well a few friends is also good enought.. I think if you really think you can trust them there you true friend.. and you can be honest and talk to them about these thing then I think you should do it.. friends are these guys who know you best.. and it often more easy to talk to friends than to the parrents.. or i dont know how old you are.. but specially if you live with them

I totally agree... the net is more anonymous, but well... the fact that it's just that, it's a bit difficult. I have a few real life friends I can talk to, and they are pretty understanding, but they simply can't imagine what this can feel like, so I somehow find it difficult to talk to them. But well, they are kind, and I know they like me just as I am.

Hm, and yeah, I suppose it's easier if you only identify as one thing. I feel like I identify as both, or a mix or... I don't know. It can mess things up a lot, actually.

Besides, it's very embarrassing for me, as when I was a little younger, I had no problem whatsoever with people being bisexual or homosexual, but the transsexuals... I simply couldn't understand it, and it freaked me. And then, it turns out I somehow don't fit in with being a girl, and it sort of spooked me >_> And it makes me feel bad, because I don't want it to be like this. And with that, I mean that I don't want to be confused and somewhat afraid of who I am and such. I want to be me without worrying so much and feeling bad about it.

As for my parents, well... I'm not sure they'd accept it. At all. I know they can be very conservative, and even though they are open to new ideas, I know for a fact that my mum thinks gay people are more prone to sickness and whatnot. I'm like "huh? totally disagree"
And well, I suspect them knowing about my feeling not like only a girl wouldn't be good at all

arg I tried to send a message yesterday but the pc didnt work.

well now I try again.. you shouldnt expect to much that people will understand it..
many dont.. even thought they accept you and so on, but it hard for people who not transgender to understand transgender people...
no matter if it IRL or on the chat. you know yourself you didnt understand it when you where younger.. you see.. many have it like that 2..
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well hope I dont freak you out to much then.. but well I had a bit simular with something..
when I was smaller I couldnt imaginate falling in love with someone who much older than me... and it seam like I kind of fall for the adults now.. also the other thing I am against net dating.. not that I mind people do it but I dont like it myself.. but I actually have been in love with a person I only knew from the net.. even thought I am agaisnt it..
hehe

but you shouldnt be scared of it.. I guess you just scared cause it might feel new for your.. you dont know why you feel like this.. you dont know so much what to do and not..
but you will find out all the thing, you will get use to how it is.. no matter how it is.. and you will be more claim.. I think so..

my friend gave me a adise who said: if anyone tell you wrong then just said: I know who I am but you dont know who I am..

no matter what you are, or if people belive you or not then your the only one who know what you feel yourself.. no one ells can prove that wrong..

Yeah, I mean, I know I was even scared of transgender people when I was a kid (not really scared anymore...) and that I over the years have had trouble understanding the whole thing. Even now, I have no idea. I just suddenly understood after a while that all these things happening, all these bottled up emotions, wishes, needs... They didn't belong to the stereotypical "girl". They didn't even belong to anything I knew. But still, as it was me, it did belong to me (who I clearly considered to be a girl. Just... maybe a boyish girl or something). So I'm still pretty confused.

I am not as scared now as I was before, when it started to be more and more clear. Earlier on, I just tended to be slightly boyish, and stuff like that. I never really thought about it, it was just who I was, but then, there came dreams at night where I was a guy, and then came the thoughts and impulses and stuff I never imagined I even could have, and certainly wasn't supposed to have. Everything just slowly became more and more weird, so I'm still pretty confused as to what's going on. But at first, when the dreams came, I always woke up panicked. It frightened me that much >_> Worse than nightmares.

So well, I have sort of accepted everything new about me that I suddenly saw and noticed (a lot more than dreams), but it's messy in my head. I don't know what to do, so it's draining me of a lot of energy, which affects school and sleep and pretty much everything. That's partly why I'm consulting someone about it and can talk about it. Since this is also my last term at school, it's crammed with important tests, so... Uh, yeah. I kinda need my energy.

Hm, I see. I was very sceptical about net dating before, but have realised that it's not as impossible as it may seem. I actually fell for this guy once... And guess if it confused me? I thought I was "down to earth and reasonable" but it turned out another way xD

hm.. well I also once dream I was a girl.. (okay this sound strange since I was born a girl?) but I dream I was a girl with girl clothes on and enjoyed it.. and when I woked up I felt like I had a wierd dream who frighted me a bit..

I dont know why but being a girl make me scared.. I dont think I am so manly.. yeah for a normal girl.. I would be really manly since I talk pretty boyish, I have boyish clothes and stuff, but I am not really manly and to be honest I dont think a life as a girl would be a bad thing.. so I still somethimes wondering why I am like this?
but no matter what I think or wonder then I never get back to be a girl.. and it always kind of disgust or scary me.. I just feel I dont want to? it strange for someone who dont think girls life is so bad right?

and yeah just to mention I also dream I was a guy in body and it all.. mostly I am pretty unisex in my dreams. im just as I am now and guess my biological sex dosent show up.. somethimes it dose if I take of my clothes or if someone call me he or she but it not so often.. LOL this might be a bit perv but I once dreamed I had sex as a guy.. so the next morning I was all happy and mailed my ex and said: now I know how it feels.. you dont have to expain.. and he said.. yeah.. good for you-__- LOL
I also had a dream back in time where there 2 guys kissing.. (sound like a yaoi dream hehe) uhm and the one was over the other and they both lay down.. and the guy who was on the top (the only kissed not anything there) had brown hair like mine, and a little beard of this kind I always wanted and sunglasses on.. and for a reason I felt that guy was me just like 10 year older than I am now..
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he dreams are strange, scary and interesting..
but dont take them to serious some dreams are just strange with no reason, I think dreams have a reason.. like if you feel sad, scary or stuff.. but somethimes there also just randomly

but one thing make me wondering.. you panic when you woke.. so you reall in a way scared of being a guy? or boyish?

LOL, these posts are really long :P Anyway...

Yeah, I think some dreams have a meaning, and some are just random weird stuff thrown in... Most of my dreams are random and pretty pointless, actually. But then there are dreams I know fill a purpose, such as dreaming about kicking down perverted old men when I had had a bad day before and just wanted to take out my aggressions...

I don't really consider myself very manly either, but there's just this feeling at times, somewhere inside me that screams that I'm a man. It's so difficult to explain, and I never know what to make of it. And some days, when I wake up, I instantly know it's my "girl-day", and the thought of being a man seems alien to me. Alternating like this, going back and forth, it makes me pretty confused.
I also have times when it feels like my every action is... somehow... affected by the man in me. Or something like that. It's like whatever I do, it has this totally different feel to it.

Your dream about having sex as a guy doesn't sound perv to me, since I have those dreams quite often. Don't know if I should hate them or love them, actually. xD

Well, I have no idea of why that first dream of being a guy scared me so much. I mean, in the dream, it was as if I could access my other self or something... I could feel so much, and everything was... I don't know. It was one of those dreams that are on the verge of being slightly surrealistic, but feels so great, so true...
Sometimes I wonder if it was because the dream maybe brought "my other self" closer so that I could see and feel it that I got scared.
I remember waking up and running a thorough check inside my head if I still was "the same old me".
But after every dream I had, I became less scared, and actually began to get pissed off at waking up.

It's also possible, I guess, that the idea of being a man to some extent is too far from "how it's supposed to be", so that was why it scared me... I don't know. I still find everything pretty confusing and scary because I simply don't know anything..

yeah but this one will be short

I understand.. and yeah I also try had dreams with meaning.. I once had a dream that these guys people I knew kissed each other.. 2 weeks after they became boyfriend and girlfriend.. and also I can feel my mood on my dreams somethimes. when I am stressed/worryed I often get sleep paralysis and nightmare and strange dreams, exemple..

sorry but.. LOL you had these dreams often? that you have sex as a guy??
okay......O__O

well well.. something ells.. what about our life.. do you live like a girl or like a guy? do you show yourself pretty boyish or do people call you boyish and stuff and so on??


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Haha yeah, pretty often. Well, currently, maybe only once or twice every month, but it used to be... a lot more frequent. xD

Well, I guess I live my life pretty much as a girl. Though I tend to be a little boyish, prefer boyish clothes and so on (but I'm a big fan of skirts, so... xD), and there are some person who once said to me "You seem so much like a man. No wonder people mistake you for that on the net"
Apparently, that person told me I even spoke like a guy, using "non-girly" words and stuff like that. Actually, I don't quite know what to say... But well, I don't disagree completely.

The way I act and such is, well, based on what I feel like I am. If I feel like a girl, I am slightly more on the girly side, and if I feel like a guy, I'm slightly more on the boyish side.

it sound strange now wondering your confussing.. I think you some gender-queer
pangender thing?? is my guess??

Genderqueer - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Pangender - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I just have to say for sure I know nothing about these thing unless I have chat with a person who was a pangender.