AarinOthers

I am probably pretty similar to you sami. I don't really feel the need to make the effort it takes to 'find someone' for that 'special romantic love'. It's really just a societal norm/fantasy that romantic/sexual love is better than other kinds of love. And right now I don't even know who I am let alone what I want from someone else. What I imagine I want changes too often for me to be settling down. Probably the only consistent attribute that all guys I like have is that they're kinda sweet/ lightly stupid. People in my family marry in their early twenties, so since I'm not currently attached... it's basically decided by my family I will be a spinster. Which is just fine by me! (... probably typical of most men in their early twenties I'm not exactly looking for marriage!) if I met someone awesome, that would be... awesome. it's unlikely though.
I know lots of people like us that are totally normal in love kind of people... but I'm not really. Not that I'm not sappy in fantasy though... hence the BL obsession...

sami, I never really got into the whole 'dating' thing, even when it seemed that was what everyone was thinking about. Sure there have been people I've fancied, but I've never dated someone or anything like that. It's just...on the list of worries and concerns, there are much more important things. I'm not sure if that makes me asexual or just apathetic. Which is odd, considering I tend to be a hopeless sap. :/

monsoia, my family is much the same. Everyone in my age group (siblings, cousins, ect that i grew up with) that is over the age of 17 either has a kid/s or is married/divorced with a kid/s. It's crazy. Here I am, in the prime of life, and I'm already that spinster aunt (though i imagine they'd all have apoplectic fits if i told them it should be uncle). XD

And in a random aside, the other day I finally got around to getting my hair trimmed. I made the decision to cut my hair back in July. It went from about 32 inches to 2. But I've noticed that every time I've gotten it cut since then (if there's one thing i miss about the long hair, its not having to get bi-monthly trimming. i always forget), its progressively gotten more boyish. I would say masculine, except for the fact that I look like I someone who should be starting junior high. -_-
Not that I'm complaining, mind. There's never anything wrong with looking ten years younger.

hey there, everyone *waves*

i am a 40 yr. old bisexual woman, married (to a great guy) and mum of two amazing boys. and for as long i can recall, i have wanted to be male. don't know what to say beyond that, for now. i just wanted to introduce myself to you all

i'm *really* glad this group exists here at aarin...thanks

welcome to the group shiiba. It's not a very active group, but every once in awhile we seem to get bursts of activity.

Here's a question that could get some replies. Do you all ever think that your 'otherness' whatever that may be is part of the reason you like BL/yaoi? I really think that mine might be. I started reading it when I was around 15/16 and I would always come away feeling like I had really gotten to pretend I was boy for a little while, at that age usually the uke in the manga. These days I'm quite a bit more seme... sometimes.

What do you all think? Do you imagine yourself as the boys in BL/yaoi?
What about those of you that don't think of yourself as a 'boy/man'? I know lots of women that imagine themselves in the roles of the guys in BL too.

Hello everyone!
I am kinda new here too. I don't feel like I fit in just one gender
so that kind of brought me here.

And to try and answer your question Monsoia...
I think in my case it's a bit hard to say. When I got into yaoi
it was just all about the pretty boys in fanfiction, but since then
I really did notice that I prefered reading stories from a men's point of view,
and that indetifying with female lead characters had gotten really difficult.
But if I imagine myself as the characters... yes I'd say so, not always, but often.

(Damn, I failed to keep up again :S)
hello and welcome kumi-kun & shiiba!
Have a question for you shiiba: does your guy ever feel threatened by your sense of gender or your bisexuality? Some of my old bfs were complaining how I made them feel kinda gay...and I always had the upleasant feeling that they were reproached by me. Not something I´m willing to live with.

monsoia & barbaroshima: yeah, we definately share some similar attitudes

Relating to the latest topic: I have to admit that for a person who is not exactly the sexual predator... I have pretty predatory (yaoi-refined) imagination . It would be kind of cool to be able to share some of that I guess, because somehow I feel that it connects to my identity somehow. Even though generally I´m pretty indifferent about my being single as stated, I do fantasize a great deal about getting such a partner. I have always also identified myself with yaoi characters… the state of a homosexual or more precisely, a homogenous relationship is the ideal one for me. In a way, the fact that you are sharing things from the point of view of same gender or genderless or whatever, makes it more intimate… I´m probably never gonna be happy in a traditional relationship with a guy because they are going to perceive me as a girl even though I don’t have a sense of gender like that. I´m not exactly helping the situation because I´m kind of lazy to mind my appearance very much, sigh. My hair is in a pretty disgusting state right now. I´m thinking, maybe I should be more purposeful as not to give the wrong impression

Ah, the topic has totally turned to relationships...

But putting that aside...I want to post about what happened to me Saturday.

My mum likes to have these big cookouts every month or so as a means for the family to get together, and last Saturday was one of them. Some how I ended up watching a group of kids (and when i say watching, i mean simply making sure they don't kill each other whilst doing my best to ignore their very existence). After a while, I notice there's a kid in the group that I haven't seen before. Turns out he was my cousin's friend's son and some how he ended up getting stuck with me while his dad talked. So I'm simply killing time, maybe occasionally stealing some of the kids' chalk to amuse myself, when he looks at me and asks, "You a girl or boy?"

My initial reaction was to stare blankly. Then what he said actually sunk in and I had to resist the urge to smile. There I was, wearing jeans and a white polo shirt, not even attempting to pass, and getting a question like that. Sure the kid was like six years old and had never seen me before, but still!

In the end, though, I didn't answer him. The rest of the kids that were in the group did know me, some for their whole lives. Since I haven't come out to my family, anything I said had the potential to trickle back to their parents. Which would just lead to a bunch of awkward conversations that I'm not ready to have yet.

That kid made my weekend. I'd always thought that my appearance (my face, my body) were too 'obvious girl' to make passing easy or even possible. But if I can at least confuse some kid without trying, there's hope for me yet, right?

Hey, sami...sorry for the delay...wasn't paying attention

Does my guy feel threatened by my sense of gender or my bisexuality?....as far as my bi-ness goes, no, i don't think he feels threatened by it. Like many healthy, hot-blooded hetero males, he rather likes that we can both appreciate a hot chick! He'd never be comfortable with me "with" another chick, but that's simply because he, like many of us, deals with the insecurity demon.

My sense of gender....well, it's not something i've ever come right out and said to him. I've never said, "oh, and btw babe, if i seem angsty sometimes, it's most likely b/c i'm really a guy trapped in a chick's body." He and i have been together, either bf/gf or married, since 1988. I think that my male-ness is a large part of what originally attracted him to me. Now, that's not to say he is a closet bisexual. He might be...i've had my suspicions. o_O He's never seemed threatened by me. But, i'd be remiss if i didn't say that i often feel like the husband and he often plays the wife, to a T! Maybe my gender bending suits us well, idk. On a more playful note, he is quite a happy man in the bedroom! I love being the man i am between the sheets! No feelings of his identity being threatened there....only reeeeaaalllly good feelings In fact, recently, after hub topped me (anal sex), afterwards I joked, "Score! Now we're BOTH gay men!!!" He didn't read too much into it b/c he knows i am a consummate stand-up comedian. But to me, what i said spoke volumes, ya know? How would he react if i did just come out and say to him, i'm a guy? I dunno. Probably, not favourably, but also probably not terribly surprised.

But, sami, don't let any guy or chick EVER make you feel badly because of what you are or how you perceive yourself. Reading you msg., i can tell that you are someone i don't need to say this to, but sometimes even the strongest of us needs encouragement and reminders.

I hope i answered your question I'm sorry for the long-windedness of my response, but it is cathartic for me personally to talk about my sense of gender. So, thanks for the question, hun.

@barbaroshima....Score, baby! i can understand *completely* how jazzed you must've felt when the kid wasn't sure if you were m or f!!

*waves*

Hellew, people

I'm a 30 years old bisexual man that happened to get himself born into a womans body.

*grins*

Yeah, I see myself as male; my brain acts like I am, anyway. And people notice all the time, though my body SCREAMS female. It's bloody difficult sometimes; you know - when people ask stupid things or tries to make fun of me NOT being femenin. But, what can a boy/girl do? I ignore them, but sometimes this manbrain tries to kill them.

*but, only a little*

I'm a mother, and I almost died when giving birth to my son. I found myself missing important hormones and parts (gods, I didn't dare to ask when they told me) that let the females give birth. At all. So... I can't have more children, and I survived to have my "happily ever after"...
...with my elf. *lol* Yeah - I'm married to an elf, or rather, to the most beautiful man I've laid my eyes on.
The best part of it is that he _knew_ from the begining that I wasn't a female _where it matters_. He is bisexual, too, so there's no problem in our bedroom. We've been together since '97 and it ROCKS!
And everyone that knows us says:

"They are GAY!"

*LOL*

So. I'll keep this place alive, mainly 'couse I like to draw... But my Lover (aka my Muse/Inspiration) is a diva, so I need others to fill in.

Please do.
Tell me things; dreams or sorrows. Joy and nice stuff, too. And, I'll draw a lot.

*blows kisses at all directions*

*bows* welcome, graw! yeah, another older ******

And lovely people....if you haven't already checked out graw's drawings, i strongly suggest you do so. They are fantastic!