a controversy

I think this is a really intresting topic but sadly I can only chip in as a fanfic writer, not original (yet =D).
I think part of the reason why characters are writen femine in some way is because the writers are female. At the end of the day, I see writing fiction as roleplaying with yourself pretending to be both of the charaters. The main problem with that is that the characters are male and we are female so we can't really truely know how a gay man feels about love and sexual acts on a personal level because we don't experience that ourselves, we can only guess. I thnk input and insight from male readers would be a nice thing to recieve.
It might be a case of personal tastes in men as well. I don't think we would write something we didn't find attractive ourselves. My fiance looks manly but not too much but he doesn't act like a typical man and I wear the pants in the relationship. At the end of the day, all men in RL arn't really manly but at the other end of the scale, they arn't all girlie either.